2 many options...

I have been looking for ways to make some serious decisions about my career, my goals and my future. The problem is there are too many resources, too many options to choose from to help me!  Here's what I know: - I know I want to change my job and progress my career. - I know I have transferable skills which I can use to do this. - I know that the core parts of what I do and what I want to do come very naturally to me. What I don't know is why I'm not able to easily believe in myself without validation from others. My mind looks at my skills and finds every reason to doubt my abilities and question myself. There's always someone else's opinion that I believe would make all the difference to my confidence in myself. Here are some other things I know: - I have conditioned myself to second guess my own decisions. - I am making excuses not to change, which is only self-sabotage. - I fool myself into believing that I am waiting for a suitable validation. - That validation is NOT going to come from anyone except me. So why am I still waiting? I have talked this through with friends, family, colleagues, strangers and gained no new insight as to why I find myself unable to reprogram my thoughts to eliminate self doubt. I try making lists of goals, that I then discard or forget. I ask for advice... listen actively... then don't action it. I get to the point where I am miserable and desperate to make a change, but I get stuck on the doubt cycle and self-soothe with food or tv or cigarettes.  I want to change! So why is it so much easier to think poorly of myself and grind my already dwindling confidence into self-pity? I can picture how satisfied I will be with my career - my life - once I am able to (insert excuse here). "I need a space to surround myself in my goals so when I want to make changes I go into that space and focus on me" "I need to find a new job first, and work out what I want that job to be, before I can resign - even though my confidence is eroded most days I still work there" "I haven't found the right job yet" "I need to take advantage of the lack of responsibility I now have since my role was changed for me. Now I can focus on self-improvement" These are all reasons I have given myself to stick it out in a company that has proven they don't value my skills or my untapped potential time and time again. After close to 9 years (30 days to go) it's no longer just procrastinating.  I am doing irreparable damage to my self-esteem by continuing to expose myself to being under valued, under appreciated and now most recently under stimulated.  I have formed mild depression and am now in a position where my self worth is so tied up in my career that the lack of investment my employer gives me, is resulting in my lack of confidence and motivation to look for new opportunities.  I feel now that I am not worthy of a position that I genuinely have skills for, simply because my current employer does not appreciate that I have those skills. My rational self realizes that I just need to make the change. My emotional mind wants to cycle my resentment about my situation, with my sadness that the company I have invested the last 9 years in does not want to invest in me. I need to constantly remind myself: - I have outgrown this company. - I am a strong asset to any company that values and invests in talent. - I am an excellent coach. - I need to invest in myself as I am the most important person in my world. I may not be able to make this change easily, but I am going to hold myself accountable for making it change quickly. The longer I let this fester the more I am deliberately hurting myself. Having too many options can be a problem sometimes - but it seems I have discovered that it is having too many excuses that causes that problem.